She dragged the chair in the middle of the room and sat on it. She looked up at the white ceiling and contemplated on hanging herself from the ceiling fan.
The subtle art of dying, she thought. If not in life, at least her death will be picturesque.
She recalled her last meeting with Aditya. Her mind had almost erased out the memories.Only a dull, numbing pain remained coupled with a throbbing headache.
She still didn’t believe that her relationship with him was beginning to end. At this thought, she begin to cry. Silently without a single sound, tears streaming down her face. She wiped them, composed herself and looked around her room again.
Her last meeting with Aditya was at her home. It was the first time they met at her place, when her parents were out of town. He was surprised and wondered in mild disgust about her massive collection of books.
After the mandate love session, when they were lying down together, Aditya said to benafsha- “you know, you should have been married off early. That way you wouldn’t have slutted around or you would have been only with me pure and intact.” Benafsha looked at him questioningly and said to him-“where did this thought process came from?” “Look at your room” Aditya said “filled with books..expensive books actually, who paid for them ? And have these books helped you..honestly you just live a fake life.”
Benafsha sprang up on the bed & stared at him- “What is wrong with you ? ” she said calmly. ” i have saved money, to buy these books. They are my life. And someone who has never read any book in his whole life, you actually are living a fake life, my friend. ”
Aditya moved closer to her and pinched her waist hard . Benafsha winced & moved violently and shouted-What the fuck is wrong with you,Aditya ? She got down from the bed and threw a book at him. It him with a dull thud on his forehead. “I’ve never met such a literary shallow person in my life.”
“Oh, wait the book doesn’t deserve that,” Benafsha walked up to him, lifted up the book gently and placed it on her bed.
“Please get out. ” Benafsha said quietly . Aditya got ready and walked up to her said-“Its over bitch. You don’t deserve me. ”
Benafsha came back to her present. If only she could go back in time & fix it all. I only need my 10 years back, she said to herself. Things would have been better. Now at this point of time, her life had came to a standstill. She had run out of time. And her mind was a whirlpool of emotions.
She thought about her whole life & about Aditya. She thought about how her relationship ended with him. Maybe she could have handled it differently. May be..In the end of everything there is just a big collection of May be.
In the end, human beings don’t kill themselves, regrets & may be(s) kill us.
Even Aditya didn’t contact her for one week. She sat on the chair dejectedly, her heart given up on life.
Suddenly out of the blue, her cellphone beeped and it was a text message from Aditya-Come at my house bitch, next sunday 11 am.
Yes !! Benafsha exclaimed , she was not dying for now. She could still meet Aditya and try to revive her relationship. Even though, the relationship was just a sunday to sunday fling..it was something.
She looked at her books lovingly, her soul mate for life. “i am not dying” she whispered to them. “I am going to live. ” the books murmured in consent.